Bridging the Love Gap: Long Distance Relationships in College

Source: feminspire.com

College is a time of major transitions, hard work, new friends, and freedom from the chains that bound many people during adolescence. Time seems to fly by and opportunities to socialize and network come and go like lightning. While most students are breaking out of their familiar cocoons and becoming social butterflies in college, some hold deeper roots at home because of long distance relationships.

“Long distance relationship” can be an intimidating phrase to hear. Some people cringe at the thought of being bound to someone who is miles away for long periods of time. Others see distance as a small hurdle in their relationship that is worth it in the end. In the age of social media, texting, Internet dating services, and Skype, keeping in touch is easier than ever. But is leaving for college and leaving behind a loved one still enough to drive couples apart? Does it hinder the college experience?

“I think about it so often, how different my life could have been if I wasn't in that relationship,” Jessica Ciulla, a student at Stony Brook University, said. “Instead of trying to go out and meet people my first semester of college, I would stay in and talk to him because of how much he missed me.”

According to the former Center for the Study of LongDistance Relationships, approximately 4.4 million college students are in long distance relationships. In addition, studies show that long distance relationships do not break up at a greater rate than couples who live close to each other. One study found that 23% of proximal couples and 11% of long distance relationships break up after 6 months of dating. Another found that 25% of proximal couples break up after one year of dating, and only 8% of long distance relationships do.

Source: memepix.com

“I did finally start to make friends towards the middle of the semester but he would worry too much and didn't like that I wasn't talking to him as much since I was hanging out with other people,” Ciulla said. “He would get really jealous and basically didn't want me to have fun unless he could be there too.”

According to research by Statistic Brian, the average distance that a couple in a long distance relationship lives from each other is 125 miles. The average amount of times the couple visits each other per month is 1.5 and the average amount of time in between phone calls is 2.7 days.

“Dating someone who doesn’t check their phone or go online often is stressful for someone like me who relies on technology for communication,” Lisa Ritter, a junior at St. Michael’s College said. "When we were apart, it was nearly impossible to get ahold of him to have a conversation. We just got to the point where we missed each other too much and didn’t want to stress out about the distance anymore.”

Matt Egan, a sophomore at Northeastern University has been dating his girlfriend for over two years. They are long distance when he is away at college.

Matt Egan and his girlfriend, Kym Van Heemst. (Source)

“Being in a long distance relationship is definitely hard because there is always the longing to get to see that person,” Egan said. “That being said I think the distance helps build trust and confidence that the other person really cares enough about you to endure the same emotional longing that you are going through in order to stay together.”

People seem to have very diverse views on being in long-distance relationships during college, and how it affects their college experiences.  While Matt Egan is in a successful long distance relationship, not everyone is so lucky.

Jesse Suhaka, a sophomore at St. Michael’s College came out of his relationship of over two years during his freshman year of college.

“I would certainly say that it was difficult to enter college in a relationship,” Suhaka said. “It made the whole transition much harder than it would have possibly been if my Father was the only one I had to say goodbye too. In terms of my social life, I viewed the relationship as my social life. I hardly gave a shit about the students who attend this school and what their lives were like. I was busy counting the days down until I could get home again.”

Matt Egan’s college experience is affected much differently by the distance between him and his girlfriend.

“Being in a long distance relationship has definitely affected my college experience, although in my eyes the effects are positive,” Egan said. “For starters not having the distraction of the opposite sex on my mind while at school because I was already taken was helpful when it came to focusing on academics and success. Also, having such a strong bond has made me realize what's truly important in my life and what I want for my future; enabling me to have priorities which I believe to be above those of most college males.”

Long distance is not as easy for some people. Jake Wexler, a sophomore at the Purchase College, experienced trust issues and realized that his relationship was taking a toll on his college experience.

“We never got to see each other as much as we wanted and trust really became an issue,” Wexler said. “I do not regret it because I learned a lot about myself, other people, and managing a relationship but I don't think I'm ever planning on wanting a long distance relationship again, although I’m not totally opposed if it were the right person.”

Tanya Marceau and her fiance, Clinton Black. (Source)

Tanya Marceau, a sophomore at St. Michael’s College, has been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend for the better part of 7 years. They have been engaged for the last 2 years.

“I don’t think it’s affecting my college experience at all, I now have extra time for homework and friends which I would not have if he attended my school,” Marceau said. “He would have been too much of a distraction. The benefits would have to be the free time I have, also having the bed all to myself and being far apart helps me keep my individuality -something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.”

Although many people agree that long distance is not ideal and quite difficult, there are definitely success stories like Matt Egan and Tanya Marceau.  

“The only downside to my long distance relationship is in its description: long distance,” Egan said. “To me the benefits far outweigh the distance because I know that someday I will get to be with my significant other and every second away from her will be worth the future I pray that I will have the pleasure of spending with her.”

Long distance is a complicated thing, especially in college. The best thing to do is follow your heart. It seems to work out differently for everyone and even if it fails, it can be a good learning experience. Over 4 million college students in the United States are taking their chances with long distance love. As they say in The Hunger Games, “May the odds be ever in your favor.”

 

Bruno Mars- "Long Distance" on YouTube. (Source)

 

Well Cast's Advice and Statistics for Long Distance Relationships on YouTube. (Source)

Sources:

·         (All personal interviews conducted on Facebook)

·         Jake Wexler, Purchase College, 4/14/13, Facebook

·         Jessica Ciulla, Stony Brook University, 4/19/13, Facebook

·         Tanya Marceau, St. Michael’s College, 4/15/13, Facebook

·         Lisa Ritter, Saint Michael’s College, 4/14/13, Facebook

·         Matt Egan, Northeastern University, 4/14/13, Facebook

·         Jesse Suhaka, Saint Michael's College, 4/14/13, Facebook

·         http://www.statisticbrain.com/long-distance-relationship-statistics

·         http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm

Chatting with Paul Heintz

Paul Heintz, a political columnist for Seven Days, came to speak to my social media class this morning. It was a really fun and informal Q&A session and we got to hear about his experiences and social media use in the workplace.

Before I dive into the information that Paul gave us, I'll share the mini-bio my Professor gave us before his visit:

Photo Credit: Dartmouth Life

"A flatlander from Connecticut and Massachusetts, Paul got his start in journalism writing for and editing his high school and college newspapers. While studying history and English at Dartmouth College, he took time off to intern for NPR's "On The Media." After graduating in 2006, he worked as a glorified intern, or "desk assistant," for PBS' "The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer" in Washington, D.C. In 2007, he returned to northern New England to write for the Brattleboro Reformer — covering politics, Vermont Yankee and five area towns. In 2008, Paul foolishly quit his job to paddle the Northern Forest Canoe Trail and write about it for the Boston Globe Magazine, only to see the economy tank and journalism jobs dry up completely. So he turned to the Dark Side and became communications director for U.S. Congressman Peter Welch (D-Vt.), a job he managed to hold for two-and-a-half years. In 2011, our hero came to his senses and quit his job to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine. After completing the trail, Paul spent some time in California trying to write the Great American Novel before conning the editors of Seven Days into hiring him in February 2012. He started out as a staff writer and then took over the "Fair Game" political blog that summer. Paul has never before written about himself in the third person and feels rather sheepish for doing so."

I suppose I'll begin by sharing some of the things that I took away from Paul's visit to my class.

1. Not all reporters use social media. Paul has been active on Twitter for awhile and is not completely sure how to utilize it for journalistic purposes, but he has colleagues who don't use social media at all. Paul tweets bits of news and makes jokes to bring some of his personality into his social media use so that he can relate to people more. He told us that he wants to "be someone I'd want to follow." Although Paul uses Twitter for his work, not all reporters are required to participate. It's just a common expectation for most journalists to have Twitter and Facebook accounts. "I don't think it's necessary now, but we're getting to where it is necessary," Heintz said. He would like to think that it isn't a necessity but with the competitive nature of journalism it is becoming more and more useful. "I want to think that I can go home at night and read a book and actually think about things," Heintz said. For most journalists it's just another tool to stay connected to the community and that is an important part of the job description. Paul uses social media to stay connected and to self-promote his work.
2. Tweeting can be dangerous. If you don't think before you tweet you might regret it later on. Journalists love to be the first to break news but if you're working for a weekly publication, like Seven Days, it might be spoiling your work too soon. Other journalists can see what you are putting out there and they might 'scoop' you or try to beat you to the punch. Tweeting is a great tool if you monitor what you're saying and don't give away too much. Some things are better kept quiet until all of the details are pieced together in a complete article.
3. Break up text online with pictures, gifs, and other multimedia. This is really important because it can really draw in more readers. When there are just large blocks of text it can take a toll on the eyes. Pictures, cool graphics, and gifs that start moving as you scroll past them are really neat ways to tell a story and they add visual flare too.

Paul's visit reminded me of why I love being a journalism major. Even though the job description is changing quite a bit, there is something special about telling stories. When Professor Griffith asked Paul what he would be doing if he wasn't working as a journalist, he said, "I'd probably be unemployed trying to do this." He reminded us that journalism is essential, fun, and plays a role in moving important conversations forward. I'm so happy that I'm learning how to do that, and meeting talented people like Paul reaffirms my love for reporting.

That's all for now, but I'm sure I'll have some more exciting things to share after my visit to WCAX, a local news station, later this week!

-Sheila

(Here's a link to the blog that Paul contributes to often.)

The Countdown Begins

Hello and happy Monday everyone! The weather here in Vermont is pretty nice today which is definitely helping the mood on campus. It's getting close to the end of the semester now. Only 12 days of classes left! I feel like my sophomore year just flew by. Now I'm scurrying around trying to complete my study abroad application for London and start all of my final papers. I took the last few days to wind down after my huge Global Communications project was due. It feels so nice to be done with it! My classmates and I had to make websites on the media and culture of various countries. My website was about Japan. You can check them all out here.

Liz, Mikala, Juliana, Lauren, Me, and Cara at Free Cone Day.

Lauren, one of my best friends and an official SMC blogger, posted about some of the fun things we've been up to lately on her blog. I'll try not to be too repetitive but there are some things I'll fill you all in on.

On Thursday after our Global Comm class was let out a bunch of us went to Ben and Jerry's for Free Cone Day. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the completion of a huge project than with some delicious, free, ice cream with friends. It was a beautiful day and the new Candy Bar Pie flavor is to die for.

This past weekend we all played Quelf on North Campus.

A bunch of my friends and I had game nights the past two weekends. It was really fun to unwind and play games like Cards Against Humanity and Quelf. If you haven't heard of these two games, I'd strongly recommend looking them up. They're really fun for older crowds because they take elements from kids games like Apples to Apples and Cranium and add hilarious twists that involve a lot of adult humor. It felt good to laugh for a few hours and pig out on chips and dip. My roommate, Liz, got an awesome card in Quelf and everyone had to go around and compliment her until someone couldn't think of anything else to say. She definitely enjoyed that!

Macklemore performed at the MTV Movie Awards.

Last night I made some popcorn and cracked open a bag of pretzel M&M's to snack on during the MTV Movie Awards. Lauren and Liz watched it with me and we were excited to see Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performing "Can't Hold Us," because they'll be here at St. Mike's in less than two weeks to play our sold out spring concert. This is one of the biggest spring concerts that St. Mike's has had in a long time so the campus is really excited to have them here. I plan on getting there as early as possible so I can get close to the stage.

Anyway, there have been some fun things going on to break up the end-of-the-semester workload. I'm looking forward to warmer (and drier) weather in the coming weeks. It'll be nice to get away from snow flurries and rain almost every week. Especially because the second Accepted Students Day is coming up next Saturday and my younger sister, Maggie, is coming to visit with my dad. Maggie recently sent in her deposit and is definitely coming to St. Mike's next year. Her name was recently on the marquee at our high school and she had a photo shoot with my dad in front of it. I'm so proud of her!

Yay Maggie! SMCVT Class of 2017!

I better get back to homework now. I will be posting again in a little while about my social media class's visit from Seven Day's Political Columnist, Paul Heintz. It was a great Q&A session and I'll be reflecting on it in my next post if you want to check it out. Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

-Sheila

Oh! I almost forgot that my multimedia piece about the lovely Green Mountain Derby Dames was published in last week's Defender. Check it out here!

Zombie Prom

 Hello again! I remembered that I never got around to sharing some exciting news. Over spring break in March, my sister got asked to prom by her friend, Cody. Cody is a great guy and he put quite a lot of thought into the prom-posal. My sister, Maggie, absolutely adores AMC's The Walking Dead. She is crazy for Daryl Dixon, one of the show's most popular characters. Not only does she love Daryl, but she is a huge fan of Norman Reedus (the actor who plays Daryl). Cody drew inspiration from Daryl and got a toy crossbow off of the internet. He placed a bouquet of flowers where the arrows would go, and added a little teddy bear and a sign that said 'Prom?'

Cody let me know when he was on his way to the house, so when the doorbell rang I was ready to film the whole thing. I posted the video on YouTube, and decided to tweet it to Norman Reedus as well. I tweeted about three times and the next day I received a text from Cody. Norman tweeted the link to the video! It got a lot of views in a short period of time and my sister was ecstatic. She's his biggest fan and not only supports his role in The Walking Dead, but avidly watches all of his other films and interviews on YouTube as well. She has watched The Boondock Saints too many times to count! Anyway, it was an awesome experience and I'm really glad that I used social media tools to get it out there. If you have something worth sharing, access to social media, and a little bit of luck, you could get noticed by your favorite celebrity as well! :)

Hopefully Maggie can survive the next 6 months until season four premieres. I'm already getting antsy about it myself!

-Sheila 

The SMC Film Series

The SMC Film Series is an awesome weekly event on campus. The movies are shown in Cheray 101 on Thursdays at 8PM, with a ten minute introduction by different professors for each film. This semester they have shown movies such as Fargo, On the Waterfront, Red Tails, Annie Hall, and Caramel.

On Thursday, April 4th, the film was Caramel and there was a small crowd there to watch. Usually Cheray 101 gets pretty full for the films, but it's a busy time in the semester now and people are finding it harder to make time for leisure activities.

I love the film series because it's a great way to wind down and enjoy some of the best films with great introductions by some of the best professors at SMC. The free popcorn and soda provided by Res Life doesn't hurt either! Next week they are showing Temple Grandin, starring Claire Danes. It's perfect timing because the real Temple Grandin is coming to speak at St. Mike's on April 17th. How cool is that?



Maybe I'll see some of you at the next few movies. I can't wait for Lincoln on May 2nd. Hold tight because it's almost the weekend!

-Sheila

Taking a Break from Easter Break

Hello and Happy Easter everyone! It's been a nice, relaxing break at home in New York with my family. I am finally getting around to some homework before I pack up and head back to St. Michael's tomorrow, and first up is my Social Media assignment. I have to compile two lists to supplement two articles. One is about the string of maple syrup burglaries in Vermont (here), and the other is a hypothetical story about moving into college in the Burlington-area. I hope that you enjoy what I have come up with.

5 Weird Burglaries Around the World:



1. Bridge
Thieves in the Czech Republic claimed to be hired to demolish a 10-ton bridge. The bandits showed depot employees forged paperwork and told them the bridge over unused railroad tracks needed to come down. "The thieves said they had been hired to demolish the bridge, and remove the unwanted railway track to make way for a new cycle route," says a railroad spokesperson. They proceeded to dismantle the bridge and 650 feet of track. (Source)

2. George Washington's Wallet
"One hundred and ninety-one years after his death in 1799, George Washington's battered wallet was stolen from an unlocked case in the Old Barracks Museum in Trenton, New Jersey. The wallet was later returned to police. In a separate incident in 1986, a lock of Washington's hair was taken from a museum in France. Five years later it was recovered, along with a lock of hair belonging to the Marquis de Lafayette, by French police during a raid on a drug dealer's hideout." (Source)

3. Manhole Covers
"In July 1990, Los Angeles police broke the case of the Great Manhole Theft Caper when they arrested two culprits who later confessed to stealing 300 manhole covers weighing as much as 300 lbs each. The Manhole Men were selling the covers for six dollars each to scrap-material dealers. They could have made 30 times as much money by recycling the same weight in aluminium soft-drinks cans. Two years later, manhole mania hit Lillehammer, Norway, site of the 1994 Winter Olympics, after local officials began stamping the covers with the Olympic logo. Three of the 140-lb covers were stolen, but one was returned after the thief 'sobered up'." (Source)

4. Buttons
 Felicidad Noriega, the wife of Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega, was arrested in a Miami-area shopping mall in March 1992 for stealing $305-worth of buttons, which were removed from clothes in a department store. (Source)
 
5. Sand

Hundreds of tons of sand from a beach on the northern coast of Jamaica was stolen in July 2008. (Source)

 College Move-In Tips



1. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Everyone is overwhelmed while moving into college for the first time. There will be plenty of helpful people around to answer questions or give you a hand lugging that fridge up three flights of stairs. Make sure you become acquainted with your RA and orientation leaders (If you have them). They are all there to make your transition into college a smooth one.

2. Rubbermaid containers are everyone's friends. You have pack tons of things in them and fit them easily into the trunk of your car. Having tons of loose items or overflowing garbage bags can be messy and cost you time when loading and unloading the car.

3. Talk to your roommate ahead of time. Meeting a stranger who you are going to be living with for the next year in a cramped room in a new place can be intimidating. It's helpful to chat with them beforehand (if possible) and get to know them. You can also figure out who is bringing the microwave and who is bringing the fridge. Those little things can take a load off of you and your parents before move-in day and take the edge off of any nerves about meeting your new roomie.

4. Keep your door open. Everyone is friendly during move-in day and orientation. People are much more open to making friends the first few weeks than a month or two into the semester. If you keep your door open, your hall mates can pop by and introduce themselves or check out your cool set-up for ideas. Don't forget to make your rounds and stop by their rooms too.

5. Don't forget to breathe. Everyone around you is going through the same thing and you're undoubtedly all feeling nervous about starting this next big chapter in your lives. It's an exciting and nerve-wracking step, but don't let it overwhelm you. Take a minute to walk around campus or hang some posters in your room to make it more homey. Don't power through the unpacking, greetings, and goodbyes. It'll all be over before you know it so soak it all in and relax as much as you can.
 
There you have it! I'm going to spend some more time with my family before tomorrow. The season finale of The Walking Dead is on tonight and my household is brimming with excitement. Enjoy the rest of your Easter everyone!

Coloring Easter Eggs with my sister, Maggie, yesterday night.

-Sheila

Figuring Things Out

Sorry to anyone who checked my blog in the last hour. I've been trying to figure out a layout and I'm sure it will be a long process. As I was trying to choose a header photo, I realized how many beautiful photos of St. Michael's and Burlington that I have taken since last year. I figured I'd share some here.



St. Michael's quad last fall, 2012.

House in Burlington during the Art Hop in September, 2012.

"Danger Falling Ice" sign on Cheray at St. Michael's College.

Some of my beautiful family and I outside of Hoehl, the Admissions building at SMC.

Sunset on Lake Champlain on April 13, 2012.

Flowers at the Farmer's Market in Burlington.

Flowers on campus at SMC.

Little girl on Church Street in Burlington.

The teaching gardens.

Lake Champlain on April 13, 2012.

St. Ed's in fall 2012.

 

The pathway behind Alliot.                 The library in the fall of 2012.

 

Forgive me for the formatting errors. Blogger was acting up and I have spent way too long trying to add captions to these pictures. I hope you enjoy them! I better go work on my research project for Global Communications now. I've procrastinated long enough. I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again soon.

 

-Sheila

 

(All pictures were taken by me, except for the 5th picture down which was taken by Shawn Ward, and the one of me & my family which was taken by my cousin, Sue.)